Preparation for Life

Teaching our Children to Deal with the Downers
Written & Submitted by: Mrs. Gwen Miller

It's a must that we learn how to positively handle the negatives of life. As parents we are naturals at making sure our children have many fun-filled, happy experiences. It is second nature for a loving parent to enjoy giving their child a new toy, video game or a simple indulgence like chocolate ice cream. I'll be the first to admit there's nothing quite like watching your little one's face light up with happiness. Especially when they realize Mom's the one who arranged for that bit of happiness. Let's face it, our children know instinctively how to respond in situations that make them happy. There are the smiles, the laughter, the joy dance. Other than teaching them to say thank you, they have that elated response thing down pat.

It's often the negative experiences we must teach our children how to handle. Of course before we endeavor to teach our children a principle we must first evaluate ourselves as a model. We have to start by asking ," How do I react to disappointment?" Many times we will see our children mirror our own behavior.

I find myself wanting to spare my children disappointment and sorrow, and boredom. If a playmate can't come over for a scheduled play day, my initial response may be to "fix it". I may call another friend over to play or head to the amusement park or any number of activities to shield my child from facing those feelings. On the other hand who better than I to teach my child how to positively deal with a not so positive situation, an incident beyond his own control. He won't learn it from his peers. Neither will he learn it in at school where being open with one's feelings might be embarrassing. As a parent I must take responsibility to prepare my children for the real world. And life is filled with ups and downs. We must allow our children the experience of dealing with the "downers" of life with a loving parent nearby to offer sympathy and affection. We must also take the available opportunities to discuss the situation and offer OURSELVES to them. "I know you're sad because Janie could'nt come over today." " I'm disappointed too." "I'll be glad to play Legos with you or we can do a puzzle together." We can share a time we had to deal with disappointment.

What better lesson for our children to learn from us than at times when life doesn't go our way, we can turn to family and those who love us, to offer that healing balm.

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