Good Manners for the Guest

Margaret Elizabeth Munson Sangster
Submitted by: Mrs. Deborah Phelps

A guest should not feel that she must claim the entire time of her hostess. In many families a guest is allowed to take care of herself, write her letters, and, in short, do whatever she pleases between breakfast and luncheon, during which hours her hostess is free to settle her own affairs, attend to her housekeeping, and go on precisely as if no guest were under her roof.

The cardinal point of good manners, so far as the guest is concerned, is to arrive when she is expected. Having promised a visit, she is not justified in breaking her engagement for any trivial reason. Nothing is more provoking and vexatious than at the last moment, when every arrangement has been made to receive a guest, to have her telegraph or write that she cannot come. For instance, Mrs. B. has invited Mrs. C. to visit her at a given time. In order to be entirely ready for her friend, Mrs. B. has deferred the coming of her dressmaker, whom she cannot always easily procure. Mr. B. has purchased tickets for himself, wife, and friend, to several pleasant evening affairs, for which the extra ticket would not have been thought of but for the coming of the guest. A good deal of extra care has been given to the house to make it bright and shining, and to have every cobweb swept away, every bit of silver polished, and everything done that the hostess may be at leisure when the guest arrives. No doubt there has been extra cooking, and an extra laying in of supplies, and, in short, the house has been made ready and all plans have been in abeyance in order that the beloved friend may be received with due honor and courtesy. If at the last moment she disappoints the family she incurs the reproach of being an ill-bred and inconsiderate woman.

The guest should take pains to be pleased with whatever is arranged for her amusement and delight. If trips and excursions have been arranged, or friends invited to meet her, she should enter into the spirit of every occasion with real zest. It should be her pleasure to appear punctually at meals, as in some families it is embarrassing to have people coming late to breakfast or luncheon, particularly in homes where only one maid is kept or where the mistress of the house does her own work. Everything may be disarranged if people are not prompt and punctual in meeting the usual engagements of the day.

At times the agreeable guest effaces herself and retires to her own quarters, as in most households the family sometimes desires to be by itself. Should any little friction arise between members of the family a guest must by no means take sides, but must be conveniently deaf and blind to the fact that anything unpleasant is occurring.

When a guest leaves a home she should never by word or look, or allusion, reveal anything concerning its privacy.

Mrs. Florence Howe Hall in her excellent book on Social Customs speaks of one custom which has come in with regard to the behavior of children in the family. It is so much to the point that I think I will quote it, because a guest may be made most uncomfortable if the children in the house are ill trained and behave like little savages.

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